Getting out the hammer and beating tacks to distract myself...............

Sometimes as saintly as ones friends are , you do feel that your grief is so large that it is blocking the sun, and that they must be bored of hearing how much your heart aches, how deep your grief is and how as hard as you try nothing seems to make it less so.

I guess that those who are not grieving for a child mean well when they say 'it will get easier', personally I dont think it gets easier, I think you adapt yourself so that the constant pain does not overwhelm you, that you try harder to see happiness, and to enjoy as much of life as you possibly can, as who knows what tomorrow may hold, and I guess ultimately we are all thankful for the blessings we do have in our lives.


Yesterday was GCSE results day, children up and down the Country were finding out their grades, as these will influence the next stage in their life, yet another milestone to be passed, it seems unreal that my youngest would have been one of them..........yet she never had great plans, and sometimes I do feel she was alittle like Beth in Little women, she always spoke of being at home,she had no great plans to travel the world or take a high powered job, she was kind, gentle, loving and could be very excited, noisy and funny, I miss all these aspects of who she was.......but she will always continue to be a huge part of who I am.

Hammered thumb!

My favorite tools , never under estimate the uses for a staple gun and hammer.

Butterfly fabric in Daisy's honour.

So especially on these days I need to get busy and do something positive to distract myself, not having quite finished reorganising all the 'craft' that has been taking over my diningroom, I decided to find my trusty staple gun and hammer and have abit of hammer therapy, which attractive results ..bar my thumb, which I forgot to move, just the once .

And now as the weather would seem to have changed, I will  think about sanding down my newly acquired pine drawers ready for painting, they will make excellent pattern storage and are a perfect fit for my bookcase, so I best get to it ..........

Sad loss and new creations

I woke up nice and early yesterday morning after a good sleep, but was too warm to linger in bed, so thought I would creep down to the kitchen and put the kettle on for an early brew and let the dogs out for their own early morning needs.

As I passed the kettle I flicked the switch, stepped over one dog and leant over the other to turn the key in the back door.As the door swung open, no one ran out, Oscar just stood at my side and looked down the garden path, Jake did not stir, I called him, no response and as I looked down at him it dawned on me that today he would not be running out into the garden for his early morning bladder release. He had passed away in the night, one can assume gently and hopefully quickly, he looked like he was grinning to himself, peacefully dreaming, I guess we would all wish for that.

He died as he lived, quietly ,peacefully and unassuming. He was gifted to us quite late in his life, he had had several happy homes before ours I believe, he came to us not long after my daughters death and was a huge comfort to me, he was very soft and gentle, and knowing.......I will miss him very much, he loved human company, I loved his.

Waiting for Santa

On an evening if I sat at the computor he would lay at my feet or if my armchair was empty of craft , he would curl himself into my chair and watch me type.He did like his comfort and would climb onto any available seat if he thought he could get away with it, I remember coming into the lounge last christmas to find him on the settee by the christmas tree, he looked like he was waiting for santa, I hope that he has found lots of long grass to run in and a big feather cushion to sleep on, bless him.

So once all the formalities had been dealt with, I had to keep busy. So into the basket I went, and found some small balls of wool, and I set about doing something nice and fiddly to keep my hands and mind busy.

These are the results , four sweaters for eggs, I thought they were amusing enough to humour me, whilst useful enough to be used for egg warmers when required, I hope you like.

Today has been a productive day, first I went off to get a few more frames, I have been updating my rogues gallery of my children, family and friends. Once home the weather was far too nice to spend indoors, and so I set about weeding my flower pots, collecting all the saplings which had taken in the bed and potting them into one large pot ready for transporting to our Daisy project in Devon next week.

Heavily flowering rose arch.

So scented.

Since my daughters death evey year we have a picnic to celebrate her birthday, we go down to Devon to a peice of land my father bought which we call the 'Daisy project', each year we plant trees in memory of those we have loved and lost, it is a small nature reserve, it has a woodland area and some rare culm grasses,it is a haven for butterflies and other native creatures, its very peaceful and rather beautiful.......

Berkley blueberries for dessert.

The most astonishing discovery was that my blueberry bush is still fruiting, I ate it bare last time I was gardening, unyet today I had enough for dessert, mother nature is wonderous.

All ready for planting up.

I hear it is supposed to rain tomorrow, so I think I will be using my new frames and getting my wools etc ready for my holiday, but who knows what tomorrow will hold.......